Giving gifts is a sure-fire way to cultivate strong social relationships – if we get it right, that is! A present that is well-thought-out signifies that we really know a person. We have taken the time to place ourselves in their shoes and view the world from their perspective to find the thing that is just right for them – a mental leap that can be difficult for most to make. But when we get it right, the appreciation we receive is exponentially greater, because now the monetary expenditure is only a small part of it. The effort, thought, and time that have gone in leave a stronger and longer lasting impression, deepening the bond. Add to this the fact that social psychologists have discovered how simply spending the time to think about the perfect gift for someone makes the giver feel more connected to the receiver, we can begin to see the bi-directional effect of thoughtful giving.
We benefit from giving gifts on a personal level, with our brains positively responding to our own acts of generosity. But aside from the emotional value to us, social psychology now shows that gifting strengthens our relationships in many ways. Whatever your reason for giving someone a present – to say “thank you”, to celebrate their success, to show that you love and care about them, or simply because you want them to have something they will like – this resource will help you to 1) identify the perfect gift, and 2) solidify or strengthen your bond with them.
Think about previous presents you have given to people in your life, over the last several years – the occasion doesn’t matter.
Which presents were well received and which were not? Were there any, in particular, that worked well, evoked enthusiasm and genuine happiness and gratitude in your receiver? What were the presents that made them smile or jump with excitement?
On the contrary, were there any gifts that you were excited about giving but were met with a more subdued or nonchalant response?
What was the difference between these gifts and what factors do you think were responsible for the recipient’s response? It’s important to identify when, where and how we have got it ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in the past.
When we don’t know what to give, we become susceptible to our projection biases – we think about what we would like to receive and assume that others would surely want the same. It’s a default way of thinking – but one that fails to accurately predict how the recipient would respond to / feel about our gift.
So take a moment to shift from your own mindset to theirs and really tune into this person’s needs, values, interests and hobbies.
Look through the list below and make a note of the things that you know they are into. Note that each item on the list is likely to have multiple sub-categories or related activities, so take the time to consider these; for example, ‘Music’ could be about to listening to music, creating it, DJ-ing or going to festivals; similarly, you may want to think about the different music genres or artists your recipient may be into.
This list is by no means exhaustive and you can always add specific sub-categories that come to mind while reading through it, or any other interests your recipient has that do not appear here.
Once you have zoned in on an area that would be appropriate and relevant to them, you can start to think about any specific items that they may need, have talked about previously, or would be nice for them to have. If they are to continue with this hobby/interest, your gift is likely to come in handy and will be very much appreciated in this moment.
Recent research has investigated what type of gift is most powerful in strengthening relationships. The answer?
Experiences.
In a gift-giving psychological study, participants were asked to give a friend something they could keep or use, or something they could live through. Not only were experiential gifts better liked and considered as more thoughtful, they evoked much stronger emotions in the receiver – both when they were received as well as when they were consumed. It is the diversity and strength of emotions felt, that account for the strengthening in the bond between the two people.
So although material gifts tend to be the go-to, think about what your recipient may enjoy doing – could a spa trip, ticket for the opera or safari experience be a better alternative? Whether you decide to share this experience or not – the benefits are all the same.
It’s Christmas and we are now buying for dozens of people at the same time – which means 10x more time and effort working out what to get for each one of them, right? Well, not quite.
Research has looked into the psychology of buying for multiple people and discovered something interesting – in striving to choose something that is unique to every individual, we bypass gifts that would, in fact, be better liked! Whether it’s a birthday card, a gift card or any other present, we tend to get it right if buying for only one individual. But as soon as we go up to two or more, we feel more motivated to personalise each gift and show our appreciation for their different personalities – this ultimately backfires; chances are some of our friends will have similar tastes and preferences, yet we aim to select things that are unique to them rather than ones they will really like.
While it makes sense to do this if your recipients are likely to compare gifts, most of the time they won’t. So don’t be afraid to get the same thing for multiple people – they’ll never know! You can save yourself time and effort, and still have a greater chance of getting just the thing they want.